When we meet someone and begin a relationship we awaken feelings that have perhaps been bottled up for some time. These feelings are powerful and with the right person we may experience a blossoming of our heart. These feelings are tender and sensitive like the first shoots of a spring plant. This is a precious time and may also leave us feeling unbalance and uncertain. Perhaps even a little afraid.

I recently participated in one of the highlights of my year. I had the priveledge of doing a retreat for  five days to celebrate the Solstice. I was honored to be with three other teachers from my tradition Ann Coughlin, Eve Costello and Michael Hoffman. I titled this blog with three of the ingredients that came together to create a beautiful experience for all the participants.

Starting with nature was easy, as we were camped in a pine forest in the mountains of eastern Oregon along a clear snowmelt fed creek. Just being there is exhilarating with cold nights around hot fires and warm days working as a group to prepare for ceremony. Nature has an ability to relax our bodies and calm our minds, and being in a cell free zone is a bonus. Without outside distractions we soon entered into a timeless flow. In case you were wondering preparing for Ceremony is Ceremony!   

Are you frustrated with your life? Are you trying to make changes for yourself and for those that you care about yet nothing seems to stick? You work hard at your job or your own business and feel dissatisfied. All those extra hours without the expected payoff!

Your home life lacks meaningful connection too. You are feeling isolated from your kids and your spouse. You feel unsupported. You lack the energy to deal with all of this. 
You are not alone though chances are that you may be caught in a habit trap.

Everyone loves Super Heroes and why not. They come out of nowhere and save us from disaster. The classic ones like Wonder Woman, Batman and Superman disappear into an alternate identity probably to recharge themselves. 

You may also know or even be that Super Hero that is constantly leading the charge. Taking on more than your share of the tasks at hand. You may be an Uber Mom, an Uber team leader at work or both.
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Chances are that you are carrying far to much responsibility. You never intended for this to happen you just got good at putting out fires and others noticed and praised you for it, while giving you more and more to do. Pretty soon everything was urgent and things started to slip. You couldn't keep up even when you worked extra hours and took calls at home. Yet, no one seemed to notice that you were maxed out. Something had to give you just didn't know where to start!   

That's not for you! Don't ask, you always get rejected. If these phrases or others that are equally negative have been popping up in your head lately, it may be time for an intervention.
​One, that will remove these negative thoughts from you mind or at least move them to the junk folder. ​
There is a reason that a majority of us have a negative soundtrack guiding us. It's probably not what you think!

 My teacher, "Ten Bears" said, "When we walk outside the wheel of life, we are at the effect of all things and we affect nothing." I felt the power of entering the Wheel of Life or Medicine Wheel while participating in ceremony usually somewhere in the mountains with a group.

​This was always a transformative experience that opened my mind and heart to a world of possibilities. I felt alive and vital and in tune with Life.

Unfortunately, after returning home my world shrunk back to pretty much where it was before I went to the mountains. It wasn't until I discovered what was missing that things began to change.  

I have been reading Michael Hoffman's book "Natural Way of Being-Trust your Heart and Collaborate with Life" and he nails it. He very concisely explains the unholy relationship between fear and control. The very thing that he states we have to overcome, if we intent to fully live into our "Natural way of Being" which in Michael's description, is a place of connection, of being a part of the experiences that we are in.

This is not a cognitive place in my estimation and I have to confess it's been a lifelong struggle for me to fully grasp this. Even as I published my book, "Tribalize Now- The Practice of Belonging" some eight years ago, I was still too conceptual with my understanding of this. Having had some really amazing spiritual openings in my life, I now acknowledge, is a lot different from integrating them. 

I just finished watching the first season of the sequel to the Netflix series "Vikings" called "Vikings Valhalla" and it did not disappoint. I enjoy shows like this as well as westerns like Paramount's 1883 because they demonstrate something that gets a lot of pushback nowadays which is dynamic male energy. I believe that this pushback is largely due to a misunderstanding of male energy and how human beings choose to wield it.​ 

In the Wilhelm Baynes version of the I Ching in Hexagram 27 the top change line reads, "You​ let your Magic Tortoise go and look at me with the corners of your mouth drooping". Tortoises in ancient China were seen as mystical creatures who seemed immortal as they can live over two hundred years. 
This Hexagram is focused on how we choose to feed or nurture ourselves on physical, psychological and spiritual levels.
This nurturing can take two forms either positive or negative self-nurturing. Very few Coaches, Spiritual Teachers or even Therapists, address this with their clients even though it is a major contributor to most of our addictions. It also ties into the above statement regarding our "Magic Tortoise". When we let go of the believe in our capacity to nourish ourselves on either a physical or emotional level we then do so through largely unconscious behavior patterns.      

When we let go of the believe in our capacity to nourish ourselves on either a physical or emotional level we then do so through largely unconscious behavior patterns.      ​

​Many of you are deeply spiritual and self-aware people who still find yourselves trapped by this believe. I know this is true because, I have worked with thousands of people on this issue and I still find myself caught in this belief.
Fortunately it's less often and I don't hang out there too long. Though sometimes I really need to make an effort to pull myself out of that ditch. Let's call it the guilt and shame ditch.
There I said it! That's the hook that keeps us trapped. Without the emotional attachment we would see the behavior for what it is and change it more easily. Please know that I am not denying the effect that these behaviors can have, on our lives as well as other peoples.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about the crisis we are facing in America today and how we might address it. I have also been thinking about how my own internal narrative or story feeds into this. My internal story is complex though thankfully a lot less complex than it was even a few years ago. What do I mean  by that? Have you ever felt like there is a story going on in your head between various characters? Most everyone has this experience though often times the story is so unconscious that we find ourselves acting it out as if we are characters in a play. 
The way I see it, these particular characters form into identities that very rigorously defend themselves. Kind of like Avatars who are all fighting to preserve their Kingdoms or Queendoms as the case may be. Credit goes to Psychologist Jordan Peterson for presenting the Avatar concept in this context. These Avatars can have a very serious affect on our lives and the decisions that we make each day and they are seeking to preserve themselves at our expense. Perhaps even at the expense of our country.  

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He is out there and it is only you who is responsible for not meeting him. Let me state that again, it is you who is responsible for not meeting him. How do I know this? First, I am a guy and I have invested a huge amount of time and effort to find my soulmate. Have I found her let's just say I am in the process and I will keep you posted. I also just completed a twenty-six week Integral Relationship Facilitator Training course conducted by author Martin Ucik. His book Sex, Love, Purpose will both challenge and educate you. It helped transform my approach to dating and I can say it is now a lot more fun.
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Women I am speaking to you now (Men you will get your turn) and though I am no expert on women I do know what it takes for you, to meet the man of your dreams. It takes a lot of intention to find that special someone. I see a range of women on the dating sites I have been on. Many, not all appear to have little intention for what they are seeking. Let me clarify, that about half the profiles come with no description at all beyond the form you are required to fill out. No wonder you are frustrated as you are not fully engaged in the process of finding your soulmate. Read more:

Most of the people who come to see me are frustrated with the current life they are living. Yes, even more so in 2020 and who would not be. Many see this as the worst time of their lives and I know that many people are going through undue hardship. I am speaking here of those fortunate enough to be healthy and working though not able to do the things they used to do. They may have felt somewhat unhappy or frustrated with their lives before this happened, and were keeping themselves so busy, that  they did not have time to think about it. Now there is time! 

A week ago at midnight our state rolled back our opening and if you felt your heart sink, then I am with you. My thoughts are also with those directly impacted economically by having to close, drastically cut back or who are once again laid off. Indoor dining, bars and gyms, retail and so many more. I feel fortunate to be in a category that remains open. 
The truth is in any normal year when the nights grow long, it is challenging emotionally. We find ourselves going to and coming home from work, in the dark. It's also cold, wet and dreary, now add Covid-19 to the mix and we have a real mess. Who wouldn't feel down, we were hoping this would end and it's dragging on, we're closing down as darkness closes in.  I feel your pain as no one needs to feel this way, you are trying your best but not sure if you have anything left to give. The truth is you can get back on track in fact you will be stronger for having faced this ordeal you just need help. Do these three simple things each day to shift from feeling down to moving forward. 

Opening doorways of possibility with a Conscious Intention begins your change process. The problem is that this Conscious Intention though strong is most often not enough to complete the process. You have done this yourself, started on the road to making your desired change only to fall back into your old familiar patterns. Go easy on yourself as these patterns are challenging to see and equally difficult to change.
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These programs are difficult to change long term because the part of us that is invested in the life as we are currently living is resistant to change. That is the the part that is still governed by these unconscious patterns. This part thinks that it is doing its job of serving us, through keeping our old beliefs intact. These beliefs form a story that repeats itself and makes the change process difficult. The story itself is mostly unconscious and defines what we will or will not allow in our lives. This creates a frustrating yoyo effect of opening and closing the doorways of Intention. It is unconscious intention that blocks us from stepping through the door and into the life we would choose to live. Learn how to move past this block. Read more:

Have you noticed the term authenticity being used a lot lately? I sense that people want to be authentic, yet wonder how many actually understand what it takes to do so. The  problem as I see it is directional, outward or inward. Looking outward to define yourself, often making choices to please others by being a team player or even to avoid blame or shame. You may find that words and actions feel a little out of sync or perhaps not quite your own. ​

Each of you has a personal story that guides your lives. Unfortunately for many it's not a really productive one. Let's imagine for a moment that you have a negative psychic twin that goes with you everywhere and is constantly talking to you.
Every thought you have your twin likes to comment on. You see a cute gal or guy at the grocery store and you want to say hello. Then the twin chimes in with a warning that says remember what happened last time you tried that? Yes, you do remember and you keep quiet, while the opportunity slips away. 
What about that raise at work? You head towards the bosses door with just the right words to say and before you enter you veer away your twin comforting you. It's probably not a good time let's pick a better moment. You have an urge to speak up at a meeting and you hold back. Whew! That was a close call, you almost made a fool of yourself.   

The Grail King said this, to the knights of the Holy Grail, "Enter the forest where it is darkest and there is no path." According to Joseph Campbell in The Heroes Journey. This is the only way to insure that it is your journey and not someone else's.  Those of you that have read Campbell understand he speaks in metaphor and allegory. 
As a Hypnotherapist I also utilize the power of this language in my work. The conscious mind only knows how to follow paths and in doing so keeps us trapped in repetitive patterns. Breaking these patterns through speaking to the subconscious mind, stirs curiosity and awakens us to new possibilities.  

 You simply wanted to be safe, to protect your loved ones and now this. Instead, you are dealing with stress, sleeplessness and weight gain. Yes, the 15 lbs that are coming on fast and no wonder. Feeling trapped at home, gyms closed and snacking while watching Netflix. You forgot that you only drink on weekends. What weekend? What day is it anyway? Who can blame you, when you are dealing with so many stressors. I know how you feel. It is just plain wrong to have to feel this way.
That is why I created this weekly support just for you. People like us are Zooming together once weekly and are already seeing results. Tired of feeling like a victim then open this post to discover how to Release Your Inner Hero. Come out of this stronger than ever. Free until the Governor says we can come out to play. 

The young monk who had just joined the order a few weeks prior was having a personal interview with his teacher. Master he stated, "I have been sitting now for two weeks many hours per day and it has been difficult, so I wonder what are the benefits of me sitting like this for an entire year?" The old master brought her fingers to her chin and pondered for a moment before answering. "The benefits for you, will have been a full year of sitting." The student of course was hoping for something more that he could aim for something that felt substantial. That would make it all worth while.
We live in a world of instant gratification where we are constantly told do this and your life will be much more comfortable. Do we even ask if that is our real goal to simply be more comfortable? Is that your goal?   

This short verse from ancient Chinese Master Lao Tzu's book the Tao Te Ching accurately describes the change process with a strong admonition to be aware of the power of our thoughts, words and deeds. His verse reads as follows: 

Watch your thoughts
They become your words
Watch your words
They become your actions
Watch your actions
They become your character
Watch your character
It becomes your destiny

It is easy to see the progression and he shows us the potential outcome and give us the keys to direct it. The first statement watch your thoughts urges us to simply bring awareness to them. This is a powerful and necessary step that enables us to begin to see the mind as a container of an endless looping story.

   

This is a follow up to yesterdays blog on-Why New Years Resolutions Fail- at least most of the time. I referred to a Process Pledge as a tool to aid us in the creation of real change. It is a key piece of the Transformation Process.  So when we break it down what is this pledge really? Think of a pledge as a promise, undertaking, commitment, assurance, bond, agreement and under law it is a surety, bond or collateral. Pretty serious stuff right. 

The New Year is upon us and many are looking at the possibility of creating yet another resolution. My suggestion is to forget it! It didn't work last year so why submit yourself to the pain of failing yet again. The reason we fail and fail again is simply because we are using the wrong tools for the job and then blaming ourselves because it didn't work. So throw out the resolution and create a Process Pledge. What is that you ask? Learn more.