Have you ever wondered when you will get be the lead role in the interactive game of life? Pick a role and try it on for size- girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse, parent, grandparent, boss, employee, co-worker and any other role you have in mind. Don't forget the Ex! Now take a moment and ask what it is about the role your playing that feels dissatisfying and ask if it's because yours is a supporting one. Everyone else appears to be a lead in this passion play while you are called in as needed. Sometimes you want to leave the set and yet you persevere because it is what you do. You may feel angry at times, though find it difficult to identify the source. You may lay awake at night while others sleep peacefully and you may be indulging too much in sweets or alcohol. Binge watching perhaps!
Bottom line is you are not getting your needs met in this role that you have opted to play. It's up to you to start auditioning for the lead. If you want to audition for the lead you will have to do what all good actors do. Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse! You have set your expectations too low and now it's time to reset them. Start first by listening to what others say about you or to you. Next work on learning to express how it feels to be a minor player while others organize the big event. Good actors are very expressive and the best make their words count. In time people will adjust to you playing bigger roles and will adapt to you becoming a lead. Though the most import thing is that you do it for you. It's your life after all and you are the only one that can play the lead in it. The curtain is rising. Now, are you willing to take your rightful place at center stage.
I am talking here about the other form of intimacy that tends to attract a lot less interest than sexual intimacy. I am talking about intimacy in our daily lives or perhaps the lack thereof. While this form of intimacy may not sound like a big deal for many of us. We may not fully understand the question. So let me ask it clearly.
Do you experience deeply intimate non-sexual connection on a daily basis? I suggest you use the word heartfelt as a guide to determine if the experience is in fact intimate. Can I include my spouse you ask? Yes, though I would venture to guess that even the majority of people in exclusive relationships will find that their daily lives are so busy, that their best chance at real intimacy is reserved for the bedroom.
I will also say that restricting it only to this arena, may not be a good long term strategy.
How so? Way too much pressure may be place on these intimate moments leading them to be less satisfying than desired. Let the bedroom be a place where tender intimate moments generated throughout your day have a landing zone.
A general lack of intimacy may lead to a feeling of dissatisfaction and placing way too much importance on the aforementioned source. Are you able to find intimate moments throughout your day? If not perhaps it's time to begin making time for more intimate heartfelt moments with your life partner. Then focus on expanding your circle of friends until you find others who are willing to risk sharing their hearts. Give it a try I bet you will find that it is worth the risk.
About the Author
Behavior Change Coach and Author James Barfoot CHt holds certifications as a Master Practitioner of NLP and is a Clinical Hypnotherapist who is registered to practice in Washington State. He developed The Primal Toolbox a behavior change and coaching strategy based on a tribal models. James lives in Spokane WA.