You find yourself with a group of people and you feel like you want to get out! This may be an example of your spidey sense tingling appropriately, but I would not bet on it! More than likely it is a feeling that you do not fit into this situation or that you do not belong. This is the most likely scenario and it is false. If you are there, than you belong and have as much right to be there as anyone else. Trespassing and B&E's aside, what I am talking about here, are human interactions and what we experience on a feeling level.
Now you may feel uncomfortable in numerous settings and want to checkout. I get that, having had that experience recently myself. The good news is that I checked in on the source of the feeling before I checked out. I stayed and no one reacted, though if they did that would have been their issue not mine.
Knowing that you belong gives you a choice. You can choose to stay or to leave instead of letting an unconscious feeling drive you way. Carrying this sense of belonging with you as you walk throughout your day will open doors for you. This is a real opportunity to begin to change how you interact with the world. I venture to say that this single practice will change your life. Are you willing to see how this works for you?
Money is not abundance though it can buy you a lot of stuff. Owning a lot of stuff may give you a feeling of abundance or of fear. Wait a moment you say, I am working pretty hard for my money so that, I will have enough to be secure and to provide for my family. Isn't that supposed to keep the fear away?
Yes, only if you are not afraid of losing it or of sickness or the ten thousand other calamities I witnessed today that are apparently affecting so many. I am after all tuned in to the 24/7 Disaster Network. Have to stay informed!
Have you thought about tuning in to the Abundance Network? What? There is an Abundance Network? Is that the the one with all the prosperity preachers and MLMers? Not exactly it's probably in a quiet room in your home I know that was where I discovered it in my home, or was it on a mountain somewhere? The truth is it's all around us and within us.
How can you tell if your prime motivation is driven by abundance or fear? I find it helpful to check in with my personal story and see what's going on. My personal story is the sound track in my head that guides my actions or sometimes keeps me stuck. We all have one! What is yours saying to you? Is it supportive and helpful or does it feel like a voice from your past that was pretty discouraging?
A voice from your past that feels pretty discouraging is the answer I hear most often. So I am not surprised if that's your answer. Recognizing it is the first step, reassigning it is the next. Is that possible? Yes, not only possible but absolutely necessary if you are choosing to live a full rich abundant life.
How do I reassign the old story can I erase it? Perhaps in time but the best way I know is to create a new more empowering story and then live into it. Remember no real change happens without taking action. I have witnessed this transformation occur within myself and thousands of clients that I have worked with. They reassigned their old story to their past where it belonged. Most of us let the old story guide our current lives and that is just wrong. You have the ability to change that and I can help.
I really don't care about your religious or political persuasion. I am pretty sure that I don't care about your justification for your actions. Or even less about your justification for other's actions. If you are hurting inside I will listen or confused I understand. These are confusing times. All I really want to know is are you pro-human. Pro- American is a good start, yet do not stop there! Let that feeling grow inside until your heart is full of a sense goodness and yes, pride at being a member of this great society.
Now let it out so that it touches more people. Embrace the wealthiest among us as well as the poorest, the young and old. Whatever race you are let the feeling spread beyond it! Embrace everyone regardless of sameness or difference. No, not physically that might be too big a leap, so start by turning your mind around and ask what if? What if I made an effort to simply see others as human being no more, no less.
If you are struggling with this as many of us are, then take the love that you have for your dog or cat and use it as a guide. None of us would enjoy seeing our pets treated with cruelty, I know I wouldn't. Let yourself feel the same way towards other human beings, all human beings. I am not saying that I have this down though I do make it a practice. I guarantee that with time you will get better at it! I know that when someone tries to justify the cruel treatment of a human being any human being, I say I am not buying it. I'm pretty sure this makes me pro-human.
Have you ever wondered when you will get be the lead role in the interactive game of life? Pick a role and try it on for size- girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse, parent, grandparent, boss, employee, co-worker and any other role you have in mind. Don't forget the Ex! Now take a moment and ask what it is about the role your playing that feels dissatisfying and ask if it's because yours is a supporting one. Everyone else appears to be a lead in this passion play while you are called in as needed. Sometimes you want to leave the set and yet you persevere because it is what you do. You may feel angry at times, though find it difficult to identify the source. You may lay awake at night while others sleep peacefully and you may be indulging too much in sweets or alcohol. Binge watching perhaps!
Bottom line is you are not getting your needs met in this role that you have opted to play. It's up to you to start auditioning for the lead. If you want to audition for the lead you will have to do what all good actors do. Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse! You have set your expectations too low and now it's time to reset them. Start first by listening to what others say about you or to you. Next work on learning to express how it feels to be a minor player while others organize the big event. Good actors are very expressive and the best make their words count. In time people will adjust to you playing bigger roles and will adapt to you becoming a lead. Though the most import thing is that you do it for you. It's your life after all and you are the only one that can play the lead in it. The curtain is rising. Now, are you willing to take your rightful place at center stage.
I am talking here about the other form of intimacy that tends to attract a lot less interest than sexual intimacy. I am talking about intimacy in our daily lives or perhaps the lack thereof. While this form of intimacy may not sound like a big deal for many of us. We may not fully understand the question. So let me ask it clearly.
Do you experience deeply intimate non-sexual connection on a daily basis? I suggest you use the word heartfelt as a guide to determine if the experience is in fact intimate. Can I include my spouse you ask? Yes, though I would venture to guess that even the majority of people in exclusive relationships will find that their daily lives are so busy, that their best chance at real intimacy is reserved for the bedroom.
I will also say that restricting it only to this arena, may not be a good long term strategy.
How so? Way too much pressure may be place on these intimate moments leading them to be less satisfying than desired. Let the bedroom be a place where tender intimate moments generated throughout your day have a landing zone.
A general lack of intimacy may lead to a feeling of dissatisfaction and placing way too much importance on the aforementioned source. Are you able to find intimate moments throughout your day? If not perhaps it's time to begin making time for more intimate heartfelt moments with your life partner. Then focus on expanding your circle of friends until you find others who are willing to risk sharing their hearts. Give it a try I bet you will find that it is worth the risk.
About the Author
Behavior Change Coach and Author James Barfoot CHt holds certifications as a Master Practitioner of NLP and is a Clinical Hypnotherapist who is registered to practice in Washington State. He developed The Primal Toolbox a behavior change and coaching strategy based on a tribal models. James lives in Spokane WA.